CPAC Apology - First Draft

CPAC organizers: Feel free to copy/paste and distribute. You may want to clean up the final edits, though:

We, the organizers of the Conservative Political Action Conference, wish to strongly, and in no uncertain terms, condemn the attitude of conference attendee Scott Terry, who in one breath implied that slaves should have been grateful for the food and housing provided by their masters and in the next suggested that our country return to a policy of racial segregation. Furthermore, we in no way share his view that those of his "demographic" - [presumably straight] white men - are being "systematically disenfranchised." We recognize the sad irony in him lamenting his current level of rights and privileges while deigning those of a slave to be worthy of extreme gratitude, even at a conference designed to heighten our already obscene levels of privilege. promote the universal values of equality and respect for all straight white men.

We are embarrassed that Mr. Terry's comments have been attributed to the CPAC and wish to clarify, in no uncertain terms, that we do not support or share in his views. We are truly sorry for all of the unnecessary grief that his outburst has caused, and, in the future, we will try to invite only attendees who will better represent our vision of how to get minorities to vote for us. openness and inclusiveness.

Here is the story, in case you missed it. The good news is, if you watch the video, you'll see that the majority of the audience didn't sit there and nod, "yes, absolutely, this guy has a good point...finally, somebody who gets me..." I especially love what looks to be the press in the front row, visibly dumbstruck by what is going on - probably the best instance of cognitive dissonance I've seen in a long time.

But seriously, CPAC. I mean, really. If you want to be really clear that this isn't what you believe, then maybe, you know, clarify what you believe. Because as of right now, it looks like what you believe is the opposite of what I believe.... Did I miss the apology? Was I asleep at the part where somebody with actual conservative credentials stepped forward and called these guys to task? "Hey all you super-racist, smug ignorant guys who think slavery was awesome and rape can't get you pregnant and can't wait to enlighten the world: Please shut up so the rest of us can have some credibility left when we try to convince people that we shouldn't spend money we don't have. And stop trying to speak of all of us. You're wrong."